Screw ups & Guarantees
Bobby: Dudes, we need to give a guarantee for our workmanship. That would that be so cool.
Roland: Solid Idea. No one gives guarantees. BRVVAs need a guarantee
Vick: Hell yeah, Solid idea out of you Bobby, finally you are waking up!
Bobby: Kiss My Ass – I am full of great ideas.
Andy: Let’s DO IT.
Bobby: OK, so how long do we give on labour to replace the X-lastic, our hi-tech nylon and rubber?
Roland: Give the clients 6 months.
Vick: What are you? a loser? Give them 1 year – we worked our asses off to get the best threading system. It can stretch 1000s of times.
Andy: Clients can be real complainers. I am a complainer. I always break shit and then I complain. Will this come back and haunt us?
Bobby: He is right. Clients can be real complainers. There will be some real assholes out there.
Roland: So what do we do.
Vick: Assholes or not we need to be MEN not wimps. I am not a wimp. Let’s give them 1 year on replacing the X-lastic. If they are assholes we will expose them for the shits they are. End of story.
Bobby: What about if they lose beads and shit?
Andy: Good Question Bobby-Boy . I think that within 1 year that If there is any issue with the X-lastic and some beads are lost, well, if they return MOST of the beads then we should stand behind our product. But they pay for shipping. We should not have to pay for shipping. The lose some shit and we replace, no questions asked.
Roland: Agreed
Vick: Agreed, but what about after 1 year? Charge them a nominal fee?
Bobby: Yeah nominal, don’t fuck around with BRVVAs. Let’s show them the BRVVA-HOOD.
Andy: Cool
Roland: Done – we are so badass!
Roland: What the hell? They don’t know how to measure their own wrists? We told them to be smart, we told them how to do the sizing. Now they are unhappy. MTF!. But, they are now officially BRVVAS, so we got to step up to plate and be men.
Vick: We are men, we deal with it.
Andy: They pay for shipping back to us, we pay for shipping back to them.
Roland: Why are we paying for shipping back to them? They should pay for shipping both fucking ways. They screwed up. They need to take ownership for their mistakes. There are no second chances in life.
Bobby: Why? Because WE are the good guys. We are not petty little shits looking to screw around with little details. Unless you are a bitch? Who here is a bitch?
Roland: I ain’t no bitch.
Vick: Me neither – I have evolved.
Andy: Fuck no way. I am pure man. Gaze upon my beauty.
Roland: Yeah Yeah Andy, I got to give it to you, you are fucking handsome.
Vick: Andy, are all gay men so perfect?
Andy: Yeah everyone of us. And my body is fucking gorgeous. Just call me Adonis!!
Bobby: Yeah – he does stand out. But I am not calling that arrogant prick “Adonis”.
Roland: Calm down now Andy, get a grip. Arrogance leads to downfall.
Andy: Yeah yeah. Leads to bad Karma. I am not that good looking. I am also not that important in the grand scheme of things. But then again none of us are that important. Maybe recognizing your own insignificance is a way of freeing yourself from the shackles of society?
Vick: 100%. Hey did you read that in the book that Bobby suggested to us? The Twin Tattooed Sons.
Andy: Yeah, from that book. We are not important and to accept that means we no longer take ourselves too seriously. Frees us for bigger and better things. Like this project and the BRVVA-HOOD. And yeah it is really sinking in. I am loving it. I want to finish it so I can read it again.
Roland: Back on subject you bastards. So what did we decide?
Bobby: They screw up and we split the costs!
Vick: Reasonable
Andy: Cool
Roland: Then it is agreed.
Yes, It is agreed. Andy is really good looking and he has a killer body and if you screw up on the sizing we will take care of you.
Andy: They better not be dicks. I hate dicks complaining about all manner of shit. You know I am gay but I really hate it when gay dudes sound like cranky bitches.
Roland: I hate complainers. I am not taking their emails.
Bobby: I am not dealing with complainers.
Vick: I am doing Customer service. If they act like a bitch I will bitch smack them until it hurts.
Andy: Yeah you do that big-talker. You bitch smack them, that will really help us.
Vick: You bet I will – I hate crying ass complainers. Men should not act like bitches.
Andy: What if it is a real bitch, you know, like a woman?
Bobby: Why would any woman shop in our store. We don’t make anything for them. We are here for the DUDES.
Roland: SHIT - we are ALL idiots. Women will come here and buy something for their MEN. And here we are swearing like complete motherfuckers.
Vick: Relax, nothing to worry about, until it is time to worry.
Andy: He is right .. and yet at the same time, I am not adjusting who I am for some .... some ... guys we need a cool name for women.
Bobby: Yeah yeah. A cool name. Can't use any derogatory terms. They won't like that. We need to be kinda neutral. DAMES. Let's call them DAMES .. you know like "old world" style.
Andy: Yeah, DAMES. OK I am good with that. For customer service, I want to suggest a simple policy so Vick doesn’t bitch smack anyone. If they are rude we ignore them, I mean straight out ignore them. But, If it a well written email, we should act like BRVVAS and deal with them Mano a Mano.
Roland: Mano a Mano? What if it is a DAME? There ain’t no mano a mano there.
Vick: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suggest a 60 day full money back policy. No reason needed. They ship it back to us.
Roland: You got big ass bold balls Vick. 60 days?
Bobby: That’s fucking generous. Nobody does that.
Andy: Nobody does that because they are all fucking losers. Look at us. WE ARE MEN. BRVVAS OF THE BRVVA-HOOD. We ain’t no losers.
Roland: We AIN’T no losers.
Bobby: Agreed. 60 days no questions asked.
Andy: Good - solid policy. I think more companies might wish to emulate us. And we welcome all Dames to come and visit.
In conclusion, don’t expect an answer from us unless you are polite. You polite – we polite – everybody polite. No? Can’t be polite? Then we are sending Vick to bitch smack you. 60 day money back guarantee. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. DAMES are welcome to shop the store. Sorry we don't do small sizes.. unless you ask really nice.